People or perceptions?

My father, a man of 82 years, was having some difficulty in hearing. I took him to one of the best known ENT hospitals in Chennai. The young lady doctor checked him up and said that there was some wax deposit inside the ear and it needed cleaning. She used a modern vacuum pump to suck the wax out and cleaned it to some extent. She said that there was still some solidified wax left and prescribed an ear drops which, if applied regularly, would dissolve and remove the wax. During the second visit, she checked and said that there was nothing wrong. My father was not happy at all. He looked bit disappointed.

After a few days, I took him to another known old ENT doctor. This doctor, an old man of 72 years is very experienced, though bit old styled in terms of his equipments and treatment. He checked my father and said the same things what the young lady doctor said. He also prescribed the same drop. But the difference was that he acknowledged that there was a problem and he assured that he would solve it.

( Lesson-1: Acknowledge others views and respect them: When someone comes to you with a problem, and if you say that there is no problem at all, you are actually questioning the wisdom of the other person. It offends him. He may think that you are not capable of understanding the problem, leave alone suggesting a solution to it.)

Another major difference with this old doctor was, as soon as we entered, he struck a chord with my father, engaged him in a conversation, checked him and then gave him the assurance that he would make him alright. He asked us to come after a week and promised that he would remove the block.

(Lesson-2: Establish a positive equation : The lady doctor thought my father was old and she was talking to me all the time explaining about his problem. Whenever my father said something to her, she just nodded and was replying back to me and not to him! So my father felt that he was never given importance. After all, it was his problem, not mine!)

When we went the week after, the doctor made my father sit and told him that he was going to perform the “cleaning”. An old nurse was waiting with a large syringe filled with warm water and a typical clinical bowl. A towel was put on the shoulder of my father for protection. The nurse held the bowl below the ear of my father, while the doctor pumped the water from the syringe into the year. The water splashed back into the bowl, collecting the dirt and wax from the ear. After doing this for a couple of times, the doctor showed my father, the dirt and wax in the bowel and said, “See this? This is what caused the problem. Now you will feel better. Don’t worry”. I could notice a high degree of satisfaction in my father’s face.

( Lesson-3: Make your actions visible : Both the young and old doctors did the same job of cleaning the wax. In fact, the young doctor used more powerful machine and perhaps it was a much better job of cleaning. But the problem was that my father never felt the “action”. He never saw what and how much was removed. )

My father was all praise for the old doctor. To him, the young lady doctor is not fit even to practice, and the old doctor is the best in the city. Is that really true? It certainly is not! It is just the perception of my father.

Come to think of it, we live only through “our perception” about others, whatever the “real” others may be! This is true with our colleagues, neighbours, and even with our own family members! You may be good to some and bad to some others. The difference is not in you. But in the perceptions of two sets of people. Even the ones who perceive you to be good today may change their opinion tomorrow due to some reason, even if you don’t change a bit.

Who are you in real? Good or bad? What is your “true” character? Or is there anything called “true” character at all? Or is it just perceptions?

The truth is that, we do not live with people; but with our perceptions!